me: I ate fried rabbit!
mom: what if that was the easter bunny!!!
Guests sipped Macallan ten-year-old single-malt scotch. A young man sporting a...
such notable CBS News specials as “An Essay on Bridges” (1965), “An Essay on...– Andy Rooney is leaving “60 Minutes”
SIX THINGS I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT
me: i did not make this up
me: "If you enjoy Tex-Mex, or are open minded to it, then we will definitely get along."
af: "If you enjoy pasteurized products, then we will have an OK time."
af: "If you like a glass of milk,
af: then you sound ok."
af: "If you have ever dreamed of an egg ascending an escalator in a cup
af: then I want to bury myself in you."
Brian: There's no This Heat on Spotify. *flips entire world over*
Before we execute this man we are going to humanely set him free, let him fall...– Justin
WHEREAS, the Perennial Purple Tree Collard represents what Richmond aspires to...– The things you learn about standing outside on the sidewalk in front of your apartment at 9 p.m. in Oakland
me: did i ever win
mom: just first runner up...
me: my life is a lie
me: i thought i won once
mom: you got little trophies though...
mom: little bit of makeup...not much...you have good skin and perfect lips
mom: i never let you look like a tiara baby
On a daily basis college graduates make me feel less ashamed that I dropped out...– carlos
STUMP GRINDING | GUTTER MENDER →
R. Dean Taylor — Indiana Wants You
Justin: Telling me about this show they have in england where people send clips of like bloopers I guess you would call it
Justin: There was one clip, it was a fat bloke and he coming don't on a bicycle onto this little ramp and it collapsed. You knew that would happen!
Brian: I just don't get British humor.
Bernie Rose [Albert Brooks] is the evil wizard, and Ron Perlman’s the dragon he...– Ryan Gosling
me: Maybe I like jazz.
Brian: I don't think I'm smart enough to get it
me: Yeah I don't work too hard on that part
Brian: My only reaction is really like... cool hi-hat.
Brian: Like them hats, bro.
me: And a pork hi-hat for my head.
me: Cold and flu remedies twitter bot
me: KILL ME
FOR BETTY →
“No, these are morons.”
Road kill: I guess eating road kill is all a matter of taste– Gary Bogue column headline
AWARDS AND HONORS
sarah: whatever, cv's aren't real.
sarah: i just read one by this dickweed that said he was co-named time magazine's "person of the year" in 2006
sarah: yeah. had to look THAT one up.
me: did you ever have a gothy phase
pr: skipped right to alt-country
CHECKING IN WITH OLD FRIENDS
charles: I like to make a hot toddy
charles: but cold
charles: and with no tea or lemon or honey
charles: I AM GONNA SMOKE A BACON CIGARETTE AND IT IS GOING TO RULE
charles: i joined a sketch comedy group
me: is it funny?
charles: so far i have written sketches about david attenborough masturbating, a baby at a bar complaining about being a baby, antique roads show (old roads), and an anarchist cooking show