June 2011
May 2011
Peals of Aggrieved Laughter
bettycam:
lazybookreviews:
Did you know the defense for the acquitted “rape cops” included: ‘her cervix wasn’t bruised because of rape; she must have washed it too vigorously in the shower”?
Cervix. Bruised. Washed. Shower.
Men, in case you do not know why this is an insane thing to say, ask your female friends.
Horrifying!
“[Snoop Dogg] was telling me, “You’re the missing link between the...”
– KREAYSHAWN I LOVE YOU
“In a way, it such a relief to forget everything you know,” he says. “If I was...”
– Ryan Gosling lkladshgfhguhgkngdfgdlkfg
bad man blogs a thing: mating ritual →
metempsych:
I loved you in your cubicle:
I mean you really wore that skirt.
Our eyes had never met the way
I wanted them to meet until
you told me you were going to
be gone, French-married to a man
you didn’t even have a picture of
on the enameled shelf
we all put signifiers on.
By then it…
a man asked for a poem prompt and i gave it and it’s a good poem, read it
as: OMG I had a nightmare I was roped into going to a Zumba class on a beach with people I went to college with. It was horrific
me: HAHAHA
as: it may or may not have involved nudity
me: NUDE ZUMBA
EAVESDROPPING
bw: Today I thought about hiking for Christ's sake.
lj: wait, what?
bw: Yeah
lj: explain please
bw: I think I want to hike
lj: for God?
bw: What?
lj: oh wait, I read that sentence wrong
bw: Oh, no, yeah, the expression
lj: ok, I'm laughing real hard over here at how I thought you meant that
bw: Not literally for His Glorious sake.
lj: I'm sorry!
bw: His Almighty And Glorious sake
lj: That's why I was so confused
lj: where you gonna hike?
bw: Les montagnes
lj: I'd put that exchange on my tumblr if I had one
bw: Haha
bw: I downloaded the French Rosetta Stone
lj: Is it in France?
bw: It's in my computer
lj: hahahaa oooook
bw: Do you know what I'm talking about?
lj: no, wait...is Les Montagnes...just mountains in general?
bw: Yeah
lj: I thought it was an actual place
bw: No
lj: oh boy...you and I are not on the same page!
THE BIBLE GUARANTEES IT
me: hey are you scared of the world ending may 21?
lj: yes!
lj: well, all the good people will be taken to Heaven and then the 'bad' people will actually be here for another 5 months until Oct. 21st
lj: and in those 5 months it will be 'hell on Earth'
me: I laughed at first (they have those billboards here too) but now I'm kinda like WHAT IF!!!
lj: scary!
...
me: ha speaking of being filled with dread and terror
me: I read this
me: #FoodFact Americans eat approximately 100 acres of pizza each day, or 350 slices per second.
me: I just pictured one person eating it all
me: Silent tears streaming down their face
me: maybe THAT is what may-oct will be like
lj: hahaha oh god
me: oh god is right!!!
“1:40:10
Maudlin ring bearer wishes the newlyweds “luck on the rest of...”
– A liveblog of a wedding video of complete strangers
YOU CAN'T HURL TOMATOES OVER THE INTERNET
bw: Man reportedly steals restaurant tips, then is hit by bus as he flees
me: That's some bus-ma.
me: Like karma but with a bus instead.
bw: WAKKAWAWAKAWKEJAF
me: * curtsy *
“Do you know what the biggest change that I have seen? The best thing about...”
– a middle-school teacher at a garden served by OBUGS. i’m totes verklempt about being on their board.
Who Could Possibly Be From The Midwest?
sexpigeon:
I just don’t understand. What is it like to grow up with an oceanless horizon? The ocean means you are done. You don’t have to go anywhere. You’re at the end, already.
WORK JOKES
bw: That's like when my boss said Burger Heaven wasn't very good and therefore it was more like Burger Hell. But then someone else said, "it's okay." So I said, "Burgatory"
bw: Work jokes.
URBAN PRIORITIES
me: Rank the following: dogs, cats, babies, spiders, rats
bw: dogs, rats, cats, spiders, babies
me: wow. hm.
bw: You go.
me: cats, rats, babies, dogs, spiders
bw: We both have fairly positive opinions about rats
“Miranda, the color on my toenails is literally called Blushingham Palace.”
– lj
“The hookworm exacts a heavy toll on those infected but especially on those that...”
– Body Horrors, my new fav blog??
TOURISM
me: Did you do anything superfun in NY last time that you would recommend?
lj: ummm we did a lot!
lj: I saw Ron Howard
lj: on the streeet
me: Haha! I will have to try to make that happen somehow next time I am there??
god DAMN →
Watch
POWLITICS
me: ohhhhh the phrases in first drafts
me: "A big gratitude of thanks to these loyal supporters. "
bw: Hahaha
bw: Hooray
bw: A gratitude is a vessel that holds thank yous and kisses and well-wishes.
me: It's like when thank yous travel in packs. Like a murder of crows
bw: A congress of owls
bw: Right?
bw: Parliament?
bw: Are owls bicameral?
