- I will reduce frozen food consumption.
- I will drink more.
- I will get married.
- I will get a new job.
- I will not get pregnant.
- I will not spend the whole year in the United States.
- I will go campig.
“As this long, memorable and costly - in so many ways, to so many people - year winds down, so, too, is this regular, daily feature of S.F. Gate, the website and related, online edition of the San Francisco Chronicle, coming to a close after a run of several years. Numerous other, familiar features of this website will also be disappearing, and a notable number of employees from the S.F.Gate/San Francisco Chronicle editorial team will be leaving the print/electronic newspaper as its editorial-production staff is dramatically downsized.”—The Chronicle publishes and retracts its own demise
“At $2.79, I’ll try it once more, at a Taco Bell in town known for making its products carefully and tastefully. The taco bell nearest to my house where I tried this item for the first time tends to just slop things together.”—Chowhound poster, regarding Taco Bell’s Cheesy Bacon Gordita Crunch
* 1600 block of Borel Place, 6 p.m.: A woman drove onto a lawn in her blue pickup truck and was spinning the wheels on the grass.
* Metro Center Boulevard, 6:04 p.m.: A motorist making a U-turn almost caused an accident in San Mateo. A person who observed the incident followed the driver to a Boston Market.
* Surfbird Isle, 1:08 a.m.: Something in a neighbor’s front yard was producing strange noises and emitting flashes of white light. The suspicious object turned out to be a malfunctioning raccoon alarm.
* Costco Wholesale on Metro Center Boulevard, 10:43 a.m.: A man allegedly punched a woman in her side and yelled in a foreign language while grabbing her.
* A woman told Foster City police that a neighbor repeatedly left bags of dog feces on her doorstep with notes. She opened her door Wednesday and caught the man in the act.
* San Jose, an undisclosed time: A man said a local transient had attacked his mind over great distances for the past 10 years.
I’ve been trying to get Brian to start this “feature” on my tumblr called BRIAN TRIES WHISKY, but since he’s never like, at his house at his keyboard when he drinks, this is the best I’ve got. In interview format, here is your first installment of BRIAN TRIES WHISKY.*
Brian: I drank Irish whisky last night, but I was at a bar and now I never want to drink again for like three days, probably. But I didn’t puke until this morning. I remember turning to Justin and saying, “I keep drinking these whisky and cokes, and I don’t even feel drunk.”
The next thing I remember, I was home and sitting up watching some yoga thing on PBS because if I layed down my bed was spinning. I woke up and I thought my roommate’s girlfriend was chanting or something, but it was still that stupid yoga show. Also, my roommate made me an Eggo waffle, I’m told. Justin says I “ate it strangely.” Whatever that could mean.
I apparently made plans to go snowboarding with Phil [Italian-sounding last name].
me: how did brian eat his eggo?
Justin: Um, like David Hasselhof ate that burger when he was drunk.
me: what kind of scotch did you have?
Brian: It wasn’t scotch. It was Irish. Jameson. I just went to the Wikipedia and immediately felt sick.
*Although, as Brian later informed me, If it’s Irish it’s “whiskey”. Scotches are “whisky.”